- December is the most popular month for nose jobs . . . don't worry, that's not what I got you for Christmas.
- If Santa doesn't have to age, then why is he old? ~~ He only appears to be old. He's really an undercover kid.
- What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? ~~ Horn-aments.
- How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb? ~~ Eight--one to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down.
- Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? ~~ Elfis
- Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don't know if they're celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric.
- How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct? ~~ On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.
- A definition of Christmas: The time when everyone gets "Santa"-mental.
- A Christmas thought: STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
- Definition of Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.
- Once you've got your Christmas cards taken care of, just for the heck of it here are some suggestions of fun things to do during the holidays, if you get bored . . . big people need to have fun, too.
- Get a job as a mall Santa and tell all the children you're tired of milk and cookies and you'd prefer beer and pretzels instead.
- Randomly replace one bulb in your neighbor's lights so they no longer work. After the sun goes down, repeat every day until Christmas.
- Set up a kiosk at your local mall and sell timeshares at the North Pole. Show potential buyers Santa's house and tell them you have Pole view and lake view condos available.
- Sell vials of water, advertising them as Frosty the Snowman urns. Include sympathy cards.
- Stand in line, sit on Santa's lap, and tell him what you DON'T want for Christmas.
From: goarticles.com
