Duke (in voice-over narration): "I am no one special, just a common man with common thoughts. I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect, I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and for me, that has always been enough."
Duke (reading): "Southern summers are indifferent to the trials of young love. Armed with warnings and doubts, Noah and Allie gave a remarkably convincing portrayal of a boy and a girl traveling down a very long road with no regard for the consequences."
Noah's father (to Allie): "Come on up here, darlin'. We could use a little sump'm around here besides the smell of lumber."
Duke (reading): "It was an improbable romance. He was a country boy. She was from the city. She had the world at her feet, while he didn't have two dimes to rub together."
Noah (to Allie): "If you're a bird, I'm a bird."
Allie's father (delivering the punch line to a joke): "Well, in theory, we're both millionaires, but in reality, we live with a bunch of whores." [laughter]
Allie (to Noah, as they prepare to make love for the first time): "You're gonna have to talk me through this."
Allie's father (to Allie, about Noah): "He's not suitable for you, baby."
Duke (reading): "Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons. But when all is said and done, they have one thing in common: They are shooting stars-a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they're gone."
Duke (reading): "Allie was surprised how quickly she fell in love with Lon Hammond. He was handsome, smart, funny, sophisticated, and charming. He also came from old Southern money and was fabulously wealthy."
Duke (reading, about Noah): "He got the notion into his head that if he restored the old house where they had come that night, Allie would find a way to come back to him. Some called it a labor of love. Others called it something else. But in fact, Noah had gone a little mad."
Allie's mother (about Allie's upcoming wedding): "This is gonna be a celebration the likes of which this town's never seen!"
Headline in Charleston newspaper: "OLD SEABROOK HOME FULLY RESTORED"
Allie's fiancé (to Allie): "Should I be worried?"
Dr. Barnwell (to Duke): "Senile dementia is irreversible. It's degenerative. After a certain point, its victims don't come back."
Duke (reading, about Noah): "She had come back into his life like a sudden flame, blazing and streaming into his heart. Noah stayed up all night contemplating the certain agony he knew would be his if he were to lose her twice."
Duke (to his adult children): "Look, guys. That's my sweetheart in there. I'm not leaving her. This is my home now. Your mother is my home."
Allie (happily, after making love with Noah following a seven-year separation): "You gotta be kiddin' me. All this time, that's what I been missin'?"
Allie's mother (about her sweetheart of 25 years ago, now a laborer shoveling gravel): "Sometimes when I'm in the area, I just stop here and I watch him, trying to picture how different my life might have been." [she cries]
Noah (to Allie): "I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day."
Excerpt from a letter from Noah to Allie: "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever."
Allie's fiancé (to Allie, about Noah): "The way I see it, I got three choices. One, I can shoot him. Two, I can kick the crap out of him. Or three, I leave you. Well, all that's no good. You see, 'cause none of those options get me you."
Duke (to older Allie): "I think our love can do anything we want it to."
[His last letter to Allie] My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter any more, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah.
Noah : "So, it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? Thirty years from now, forty years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him- go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again, if I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out"
Noah : "Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants?! Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want? What do you want?"
Friday, October 31, 2008
100 BEST DUMPING LINES
1. I need more time and more space. That's why I'm moving 12 hours and 7 states away. Yeah sure I'll call you ...the minute I get there.
-Later4U -
2. Break up? (get out magic 8 ball) All signs point to YES.
-Jimmy Corrona -
3. Answering machine: "Hi, I'm not home right now, If you're Jerry, hang up, if you are any other available male, press two now."
-C.J. -
4. Dear Baby: Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU
-Homer Simpson -
5. All my friends at the gay bar said I should go through with the sex change, what do you think?
-Johnny B. Bad -
6. The mothership has returned and I must leave. Pay no attention to my android double when you see it.
-De Ole Sarge-
7. You've become so incredibly unattractive during these last few minutes, that I don't want to invest any more time trying to have sex with you.
-cmdolando -
8. Sorry, but my leprosy is acting up again. Are you going to eat those fries?
-simian-
9. Do you think the ceiling needs painting? (Timing is everything with this one.)
-De Ole Sarge-
10. Oh, hi Julie...erm...Amanda? Judy? Oh, I remember now, its Cindy, right? Tanya? Does it start with a 'T'?
-Disco -
11. You remind me of my dead ex-husband... Let's get married.
-Black Widow -
12. I'm awfully sorry, but I have asexual tendencies...
-If I told you, I'd have to kill you -
13. Would you like to meet my last girlfriend? Really, its no problem, she's still chained up in my basement.
-Hey you -
14. "I'm dying...and I can't ask you to watch me slowly fade away....Please, go now and remember me as I am"
-Pegasus -
15. (Note: this one comes to you courtesy of Homer Simpson.) Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.
-Melkor -
16. No, seriously, I thought you were a man the whole time we were dating.
-Mad Anthony Wayne -
17. I got us tickets to Yanni!
-Delilah Smud Puddle -
18. "If I have to sell my body to get the money to divorce you, I will!"
-always the EX never the wife -
19. Piss off wanker.
(NOTE: We here at Ow! were not really sure if this was a submission for the 100 dumping lines or if was actually directed at us)
-seewhy -
20. Remember when I asked you out?? Well.... I was talking to the guy behind you!
-Nicole -
21. I was only hanging around with you because I wanted to get in your mom's pants
-SLY -
22. Don't you just love when leeches get into your pants?
-Mac Aronie -
23. "I break with thee... I break with thee.. I break with thee.. and then throw dog-poop on her/his shoes" (Steve Martin)
-anonymous-
24. It's me not you.
-Na' Chew-
25. It's you, not me...I mean it's me, not you.
-anonymous-
26. It's not you...it's me...well ok..it is you.
-Aurora-
27. I'm sorry I never told you but I'm gay. I've been fighting it, and if anyone could have converted me it would have been you. However, I succumb. Ciao!
-Dick Wicks -
28. I can forgive everything else about you, even the fact that you are 9 years older than me, have a 10 year old daughter, are getting a divorce, can't have any more kids, don't have a job, or a car, and the fact that you don't have a high school diploma. All that is fine. (then just stop calling)
-i knew he was a loser -
29. You know, if God actually stopped and thought about it, I'm pretty sure he could think of something better to do with skin rather than hold your sorry ass together.
-Hearth Cat -
30. Send them your obituary.
-Anna -
31. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, sob, sob, I know what you did you bastard!!!! WAAAAAAAAAH! I hate you! Then you run away, but it works best if he didn't do anything.
-GeniusGirl -
32. You're a really great guy..You don't know how much I love you..You mean everything to me... NOW LEAVE!!! AND NEVER COME BACK!!!
-MADLaLa -
33. I really like you. . . So does my wife.
-Jason -
34. I want a baby.
-De Ole Sarge-
35. Know what? You smell funny. Bill's cuter too...
-Klumsy Kelly-
36. Let's just be friends. (scary isn't it?)
-Bird of Prey-
37. Good-bye, and NO, we cannot still be friends!
-Stephen Britton -
38. Just 'cause I am the President of the United States doesn't mean we still can't be friends.
-REDDWARF-
39. I'd like to meet your ex.
-De Ole Sarge-
40. None, just spell out "you're dumped" on their car with dead hamsters soaked in gasoline and set alight whilst buggering a duck in front of them....
-celestial-
41. I have to break it off. I've been seeing someone else and they told me I had to choose. Besides, your mother doesn't snore as loud.
-Jason -
42. My ex had a much bigger.. (this is where you get smacked)
-WhiteFireDragon -
43. Buh-bye. What part don't you understand -- the "buh" or the "bye"? Buh-bye.
-Da RanMan -
44. "Help, I'm an idiot. I can't see you anymore!!!" (And run away)
-Dennis the RPG master-
45. Don't say anything to her. Call 911.
-Hoff -
46. The rabbit died and he was not yours.
-Sapphire -
47. Look at my horoscope! "...a new love in your life..." Well, gotta follow my guiding star...
-Kogito -
48. Bob, I'd like you to meet Roy.... he's your new replacement.
-Wicked Wench of the West -
49. I find that if you tell 'em straight-up to go away, they just want you more (Go figure?). Perhaps moaning someone else's name right before....ya' know....might do it.
-dome -
50. We've been going out for a while, and I think we're ready to go to the next level... have you heard the good news about Amway?
-First M. Last -
51. Sing "Kyle's Mom is a Sutpid Bitch in D Minor", but substitute their name for Kyle's mom.
-just some guy -
52. Forget bothering with actually dumping him/her, just sign up to the witness protection program and never speak to them again.
-RAVEN-
53. Well, whatever you do, don't propose a "menage a twoi" like Seinfeld did.
-Suomynona-
54. The judge changed my kid's visitation schedule.
-De Ole Sarge-
55. I can't meet your needs for the foreseeable future because I find working on my site and hanging out with my net pals far more absorbing than conversing with you or even looking at your face, actually.
-Damn, I've been looking for an excuse this good for years! Thank God for the Cold War!!-
56. Hi, I am Elvis Shortliver!
-Elvis Shortliver-
57. You look too much like my sister/brother, I can't see you anymore.
-Keggers-
58. I don't want you as a boyfriend, no we can't still be friends..and, oh, by the way you're ugly too.
-Mako-
59. Sorry, you don't make the flag on my mailbox go up anymore. (for females)
-Suzie Q -
60. I'm considering suicide because after being with you, hell should be a breeze.
-Jason -
61. Goodbye. I don't want to see you again. Goodbye, I don't even wanna be your friend. So get out now before I call security.
-Thw Wonderful Tatum-
62. For women: I've been thinking about us getting married. For men: Does your friend like three-somes?
-Captain Pyro -
63. Mom says I'm too good for you.
-Unanimous Visitor -
64. You looked better when I was drinking.
-anonymous -
65. Your mom told me you were gay.
-Freddy-
66. I'd like to help you out. Now which way did you come in?
-Some one like Meg -
67. I can't figure out what sex you are, even after having sex with you.
-Jimmy Rae -
68. I have finished my unfinished business with you.
-anonymous -
69. I love you so much! Let's get married! I want to have lots of children and get a big house and a mortgage and a minivan and....
-Charlene -
70. How about "You're an immature, selfish jerk who couldn't do a goddamn thing for me even if you cared, which you obviously don't, so stop bugging me with your stupid so-called problems and leave me the fCENSOREDk alone." That usually works for me.
-Lee Ving-
71. Here's the phone number of my doctor, I think you and he should talk....
-<>-
72. You smell funny and no, I don't like the way you kiss, I do think it's weird that you like to sing showtunes while having sex... oh wait, that was Mark, wasn't it?
-anonymous -
73. Send a dozen dead roses with a note: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!"
-Beelzabub -
74. F*uck off, asshole (assholette?) I find direct honesty is always the best policy.
-Like I'd say! -
75. GADZOOKS! You're just not as NEARLY as attractive as you are after 10 beers, two shots of vodka, half a bottle of wine, and a Captain Morgan and Coke with a twist of lime!
-Alkyholic -
76. "Well, um..."(utilizing big googly eyes of course)" ...my individual mind patterns are breaking down from the appearance of you ... meep..." at this critical point, scream, "Your fault, your fault" until you finally drive them away at a sprint.
-tripped over my tongue LMac -
77. Now that I'm sober...I remembered...I'm married and have a kid and live in Nebraska. I don't know why I am in St.Louis, and can I have the key to these handcuffs? Please, I need to go home.
-Jason"The answer guy" H-
78. THE DOCTOR SAYS I'M DYING OF CANCER SO I THINK YOU BETTER FIND SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE I'M ONLY EXPECTED TO LIVE FOR 6 MONTHS.
-KELLY -
79. Two simple words. "I am gay"
-Petrie Hosermouth -
80. Drop them off at the grocery store and never go pick 'em up.
-S'mores -
81. Hey, did you know that you could leave any time now?? Yeah, I think I made it clear when I started making out with someone else over there!
-I.M. Retard -
82. Hum, sing, whistle 50 ways to lose your lover constantly.
-Priscilla -
83. "I'm sleeping with my brother."
-Jim Bob Bill -
84. Thank you for taking the time to participate in this survey.
-Riffraff -
85. Excuse me, but I'm moving to Antarctica tomorrow to start work on important governmental research. See ya!
-Chinchilla -
86. Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you.
-Malissa -
87. Can I borrow that cute little blue teddy and heels?
-some guy -
88. I'm no longer worthy of you (Keep repeating until s/he agrees with you)
-De Ole Sarge-
89. I used to think size didn't matter, but in your case I have made an exception... so I'm leaving you for bigger and better things. My ex-boyfriend Bruno just came back into town. He finished serving his sentence and is dying to meet you.
-URHistory -
90. Could we reschedule our date for later? I have to go down to the tar pits to worship my dark lord Friday at Midnight.
-Spoogy-
91. Get the hell away from me!! I'm so fricken sick of you!!
-Ashley-
92. I want you to meet my family. My mom is an OBGYN specializing in fertility treatments, and my dad does microsurgical vasectomy reversals. They are so excited that I'm dating someone nice!
-jabernet-
93. Are you into horses and stuff? I know I am... I also like sheep. They give you that warm feeling. Hello? Are you still there?
-MadSector -
94. Yell "FIRE!!!!!!!" and run, never stopping or looking back.
- Jason"The answer guy" H-
95. There's been a death in the family. My hamster. Sorry.
-AcidAngel-
96. If you don't leave me alone now, I'll blow your frickin head off with my Glock 9mm, Bitch!
-Bonko the Homicidal Krazy Clown from HELL! -
97. How do you feel about (sex) relations with Irish Setters?
-Ian Rotten of the Ian Rotten Band -
98. Sorry, I just never realized how ugly you are.
-Mad Anthony Wayne -
99. Time for you to go - I gotta reduce the number of dependents that I claim on my W2.
-Cig&Brew -
100. "Don't forgive, dump me!"
-Nicki Squires -
-Later4U -
2. Break up? (get out magic 8 ball) All signs point to YES.
-Jimmy Corrona -
3. Answering machine: "Hi, I'm not home right now, If you're Jerry, hang up, if you are any other available male, press two now."
-C.J. -
4. Dear Baby: Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU
-Homer Simpson -
5. All my friends at the gay bar said I should go through with the sex change, what do you think?
-Johnny B. Bad -
6. The mothership has returned and I must leave. Pay no attention to my android double when you see it.
-De Ole Sarge-
7. You've become so incredibly unattractive during these last few minutes, that I don't want to invest any more time trying to have sex with you.
-cmdolando -
8. Sorry, but my leprosy is acting up again. Are you going to eat those fries?
-simian-
9. Do you think the ceiling needs painting? (Timing is everything with this one.)
-De Ole Sarge-
10. Oh, hi Julie...erm...Amanda? Judy? Oh, I remember now, its Cindy, right? Tanya? Does it start with a 'T'?
-Disco -
11. You remind me of my dead ex-husband... Let's get married.
-Black Widow -
12. I'm awfully sorry, but I have asexual tendencies...
-If I told you, I'd have to kill you -
13. Would you like to meet my last girlfriend? Really, its no problem, she's still chained up in my basement.
-Hey you -
14. "I'm dying...and I can't ask you to watch me slowly fade away....Please, go now and remember me as I am"
-Pegasus -
15. (Note: this one comes to you courtesy of Homer Simpson.) Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.
-Melkor -
16. No, seriously, I thought you were a man the whole time we were dating.
-Mad Anthony Wayne -
17. I got us tickets to Yanni!
-Delilah Smud Puddle -
18. "If I have to sell my body to get the money to divorce you, I will!"
-always the EX never the wife -
19. Piss off wanker.
(NOTE: We here at Ow! were not really sure if this was a submission for the 100 dumping lines or if was actually directed at us)
-seewhy -
20. Remember when I asked you out?? Well.... I was talking to the guy behind you!
-Nicole -
21. I was only hanging around with you because I wanted to get in your mom's pants
-SLY -
22. Don't you just love when leeches get into your pants?
-Mac Aronie -
23. "I break with thee... I break with thee.. I break with thee.. and then throw dog-poop on her/his shoes" (Steve Martin)
-anonymous-
24. It's me not you.
-Na' Chew-
25. It's you, not me...I mean it's me, not you.
-anonymous-
26. It's not you...it's me...well ok..it is you.
-Aurora-
27. I'm sorry I never told you but I'm gay. I've been fighting it, and if anyone could have converted me it would have been you. However, I succumb. Ciao!
-Dick Wicks -
28. I can forgive everything else about you, even the fact that you are 9 years older than me, have a 10 year old daughter, are getting a divorce, can't have any more kids, don't have a job, or a car, and the fact that you don't have a high school diploma. All that is fine. (then just stop calling)
-i knew he was a loser -
29. You know, if God actually stopped and thought about it, I'm pretty sure he could think of something better to do with skin rather than hold your sorry ass together.
-Hearth Cat -
30. Send them your obituary.
-Anna -
31. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, sob, sob, I know what you did you bastard!!!! WAAAAAAAAAH! I hate you! Then you run away, but it works best if he didn't do anything.
-GeniusGirl -
32. You're a really great guy..You don't know how much I love you..You mean everything to me... NOW LEAVE!!! AND NEVER COME BACK!!!
-MADLaLa -
33. I really like you. . . So does my wife.
-Jason -
34. I want a baby.
-De Ole Sarge-
35. Know what? You smell funny. Bill's cuter too...
-Klumsy Kelly-
36. Let's just be friends. (scary isn't it?)
-Bird of Prey-
37. Good-bye, and NO, we cannot still be friends!
-Stephen Britton -
38. Just 'cause I am the President of the United States doesn't mean we still can't be friends.
-REDDWARF-
39. I'd like to meet your ex.
-De Ole Sarge-
40. None, just spell out "you're dumped" on their car with dead hamsters soaked in gasoline and set alight whilst buggering a duck in front of them....
-celestial-
41. I have to break it off. I've been seeing someone else and they told me I had to choose. Besides, your mother doesn't snore as loud.
-Jason -
42. My ex had a much bigger.. (this is where you get smacked)
-WhiteFireDragon -
43. Buh-bye. What part don't you understand -- the "buh" or the "bye"? Buh-bye.
-Da RanMan -
44. "Help, I'm an idiot. I can't see you anymore!!!" (And run away)
-Dennis the RPG master-
45. Don't say anything to her. Call 911.
-Hoff -
46. The rabbit died and he was not yours.
-Sapphire -
47. Look at my horoscope! "...a new love in your life..." Well, gotta follow my guiding star...
-Kogito -
48. Bob, I'd like you to meet Roy.... he's your new replacement.
-Wicked Wench of the West -
49. I find that if you tell 'em straight-up to go away, they just want you more (Go figure?). Perhaps moaning someone else's name right before....ya' know....might do it.
-dome -
50. We've been going out for a while, and I think we're ready to go to the next level... have you heard the good news about Amway?
-First M. Last -
51. Sing "Kyle's Mom is a Sutpid Bitch in D Minor", but substitute their name for Kyle's mom.
-just some guy -
52. Forget bothering with actually dumping him/her, just sign up to the witness protection program and never speak to them again.
-RAVEN-
53. Well, whatever you do, don't propose a "menage a twoi" like Seinfeld did.
-Suomynona-
54. The judge changed my kid's visitation schedule.
-De Ole Sarge-
55. I can't meet your needs for the foreseeable future because I find working on my site and hanging out with my net pals far more absorbing than conversing with you or even looking at your face, actually.
-Damn, I've been looking for an excuse this good for years! Thank God for the Cold War!!-
56. Hi, I am Elvis Shortliver!
-Elvis Shortliver-
57. You look too much like my sister/brother, I can't see you anymore.
-Keggers-
58. I don't want you as a boyfriend, no we can't still be friends..and, oh, by the way you're ugly too.
-Mako-
59. Sorry, you don't make the flag on my mailbox go up anymore. (for females)
-Suzie Q -
60. I'm considering suicide because after being with you, hell should be a breeze.
-Jason -
61. Goodbye. I don't want to see you again. Goodbye, I don't even wanna be your friend. So get out now before I call security.
-Thw Wonderful Tatum-
62. For women: I've been thinking about us getting married. For men: Does your friend like three-somes?
-Captain Pyro -
63. Mom says I'm too good for you.
-Unanimous Visitor -
64. You looked better when I was drinking.
-anonymous -
65. Your mom told me you were gay.
-Freddy-
66. I'd like to help you out. Now which way did you come in?
-Some one like Meg -
67. I can't figure out what sex you are, even after having sex with you.
-Jimmy Rae -
68. I have finished my unfinished business with you.
-anonymous -
69. I love you so much! Let's get married! I want to have lots of children and get a big house and a mortgage and a minivan and....
-Charlene -
70. How about "You're an immature, selfish jerk who couldn't do a goddamn thing for me even if you cared, which you obviously don't, so stop bugging me with your stupid so-called problems and leave me the fCENSOREDk alone." That usually works for me.
-Lee Ving-
71. Here's the phone number of my doctor, I think you and he should talk....
-<
72. You smell funny and no, I don't like the way you kiss, I do think it's weird that you like to sing showtunes while having sex... oh wait, that was Mark, wasn't it?
-anonymous -
73. Send a dozen dead roses with a note: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!"
-Beelzabub -
74. F*uck off, asshole (assholette?) I find direct honesty is always the best policy.
-Like I'd say! -
75. GADZOOKS! You're just not as NEARLY as attractive as you are after 10 beers, two shots of vodka, half a bottle of wine, and a Captain Morgan and Coke with a twist of lime!
-Alkyholic -
76. "Well, um..."(utilizing big googly eyes of course)" ...my individual mind patterns are breaking down from the appearance of you ... meep..." at this critical point, scream, "Your fault, your fault" until you finally drive them away at a sprint.
-tripped over my tongue LMac -
77. Now that I'm sober...I remembered...I'm married and have a kid and live in Nebraska. I don't know why I am in St.Louis, and can I have the key to these handcuffs? Please, I need to go home.
-Jason"The answer guy" H-
78. THE DOCTOR SAYS I'M DYING OF CANCER SO I THINK YOU BETTER FIND SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE I'M ONLY EXPECTED TO LIVE FOR 6 MONTHS.
-KELLY -
79. Two simple words. "I am gay"
-Petrie Hosermouth -
80. Drop them off at the grocery store and never go pick 'em up.
-S'mores -
81. Hey, did you know that you could leave any time now?? Yeah, I think I made it clear when I started making out with someone else over there!
-I.M. Retard -
82. Hum, sing, whistle 50 ways to lose your lover constantly.
-Priscilla -
83. "I'm sleeping with my brother."
-Jim Bob Bill -
84. Thank you for taking the time to participate in this survey.
-Riffraff -
85. Excuse me, but I'm moving to Antarctica tomorrow to start work on important governmental research. See ya!
-Chinchilla -
86. Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you.
-Malissa -
87. Can I borrow that cute little blue teddy and heels?
-some guy -
88. I'm no longer worthy of you (Keep repeating until s/he agrees with you)
-De Ole Sarge-
89. I used to think size didn't matter, but in your case I have made an exception... so I'm leaving you for bigger and better things. My ex-boyfriend Bruno just came back into town. He finished serving his sentence and is dying to meet you.
-URHistory -
90. Could we reschedule our date for later? I have to go down to the tar pits to worship my dark lord Friday at Midnight.
-Spoogy-
91. Get the hell away from me!! I'm so fricken sick of you!!
-Ashley-
92. I want you to meet my family. My mom is an OBGYN specializing in fertility treatments, and my dad does microsurgical vasectomy reversals. They are so excited that I'm dating someone nice!
-jabernet-
93. Are you into horses and stuff? I know I am... I also like sheep. They give you that warm feeling. Hello? Are you still there?
-MadSector -
94. Yell "FIRE!!!!!!!" and run, never stopping or looking back.
- Jason"The answer guy" H-
95. There's been a death in the family. My hamster. Sorry.
-AcidAngel-
96. If you don't leave me alone now, I'll blow your frickin head off with my Glock 9mm, Bitch!
-Bonko the Homicidal Krazy Clown from HELL! -
97. How do you feel about (sex) relations with Irish Setters?
-Ian Rotten of the Ian Rotten Band -
98. Sorry, I just never realized how ugly you are.
-Mad Anthony Wayne -
99. Time for you to go - I gotta reduce the number of dependents that I claim on my W2.
-Cig&Brew -
100. "Don't forgive, dump me!"
-Nicki Squires -
GOOD-BAD-WORSSSSSE
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Worse: Your daughter has them.
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Worse: You're in them.
Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Good: Your son's finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Worse: So are you.
Good: You give the birds and bees speech to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Worse: With corrections.
Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: The postman had the same idea.
Worse: You have to wait.
by vampiregurl
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Worse: Your daughter has them.
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Worse: You're in them.
Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Good: Your son's finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Worse: So are you.
Good: You give the birds and bees speech to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Worse: With corrections.
Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: The postman had the same idea.
Worse: You have to wait.
by vampiregurl
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